10 Ways to Become More Charismatic
In the foreword to his book Top Performance, Zig Ziglar cites research done by the Stanford Research Institute, Harvard University, and the Carnegie Foundation which finds that 85 percent of the reason you get a job, keep that job, and move ahead in that job has to do with people skills and people knowledge, not technical skills and technical knowledge.
On a less scholarly level, Lou Holtz, head football coach at the University of Notre Dame, has said that when someone meets you, that person wants to know three things: Can I trust you? Are you committed to excellence? and Do you care about me as a person? Some believe that only after that third question is answered, do the first two take on any significance.
It is an intangible quality that makes people admire you, follow you, and just want to be around you.
What is it that causes people to respond warmly to some, while recoiling from others? What is it that enables people to get others to do things, even things they didn't believe they would do? Some call it power; others, persuasion; and still others, influencing without authority. It is an intangible quality that makes people admire you, follow you, and just want to be around you. Many term this quality charisma. Regardless of what it is called, or how it is defined, it is absolutely essential.
When people think of charisma, they think of John F. Kennedy. You could say that he was charismatic because he was handsome, charming, and powerful. But what about Lou Holtz, who is not particularly attractive, and speaks with a slight lisp? He was a guest on Johnny Carson's Tonight show after his Notre Dame team had just lost a heartbreaker to the University of Colorado in the Orange Bowl. He followed top screen star Kevin Costner, who was flushed with the success of Dances With Wolves, and he had endured a slight riposte during the introductions by Johnny about his "sex appeal."
Nonetheless, Holtz was funny, charming, self-effacing, but never self-critical, and boyishly gracious in the face of a sincere compliment. When the camera panned away for a final commercial break after his brief stint, there was Holtz patting the knee of "one of his boys"--Costner. Who was in charge? Clearly it was Coach Holtz. This obviously had to do with more than looks.
Are there some things you can learn to do to project charisma? I think the answer is "yes." First, you must feel good about yourself and exhibit self-confidence; second, you must make other people feel good about you.
Don't interrupt. Don't mentally cut off the other person.
Don't reload while he or she is speaking.
The following are ten how-to's:
1. Build up your self-esteem and self-confidence. Take an inventory. What do you want to improve or change about the way you interact with others? Try to make only one change at a time.
2. Set goals for yourself before every interaction. Know what you want. Think about how the people you will be meeting can help you reach those goals. Then decide how to approach each person accordingly.
3. Be proactive. Take the initiative. Be decisive. Let the other person know exactly how he or she can help you.
4. Treat each person you meet as if he or she is truly important. You'll be amazed how this works.
5. Give a firm handshake; look the other person straight in the eye. Practice both of these. Train yourself to notice something you like or find attractive in the person.
6. Listen! Listen! Listen! Teach yourself to develop good listening skills. Learn a way to remember the other person's name.
7. Visibly respond to the other person. Smile, nod agreement, and address him or her by name.
8. Pay more attention to the other person than to yourself. Are you responding to what may be going on in his or her life? Don't filter out bad news. Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Be caring.
9. Use sincere flattery. People do respond to flattery. But if you don't feel it, don't say it.
10. Sum up or restate often to make sure you understand what has just been said. This allows the other person to correct wrong assumptions right away, and lets him or her know that you are processing new information and are on top of the situation.
Charisma is a combination of how you feel about yourself and the impression people have of you.
Don't go overboard. Be sure that your self-confidence does not come off as arrogance, and that your approaching others for their expertise does not come off as obsequiousness.
Charisma is a combination of how you feel about yourself and the impression people have of you. Even if you aren't born acting like a John Kennedy--or Martin Luther King, Jr., a Hepburn (Audrey or Katharine), Robert Redford, Eleanor Roosevelt, or Oprah Winfrey--there is hope. A large part of charisma involves good communication skills, which can be learned by anybody--including you.
Source: John Leonard, career counselor
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